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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Teaser Trailer

So….it’s green Transformers….right?

I kid, I kid. Yes, it does contain the BRAHM and I do believe I heard a transforming noise in there. But set aside the terrifying humanoid lips, the brahm, the slightly weird back story that goes against all current Ninja Turtles history and the knowledge that last time director Jonathan Liebesman gave us a good trailer we got *ahem* Battle L.A…it doesn’t look bad. Not bad at all!

The wit is present, the snow slide looks like it could be a hell of a sequence and William Fichtner is Shredder. That last point alone is enough for me.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is released in the UK on October 17th 2014.

Wait, what? October 17th? A full two months AFTER its US release date?

Now this pisses me off. Take a look at Augusts schedule. Outside of Guardians of the Galaxy (August 1st), there isn’t a single film that would be moving in on the target audience of this film. Not Deliver Us From Evil, not Sin City 2, not The Inbetweeners 2 and not Lucy. You know what makes it even worse? The brand recognition of the Ninja Turtles alone is stronger than every film released in the UK that month.

This is why piracy is an issue. The answer isn’t encoding bugs into the audio, its not high vision goggles and its not the laziness of audiences. Its the simple matter of distributors getting their shit together and focusing on world wide releases. The internet has made the world a very small place and folk don’t want to have films spoiled for them, and that will inevitably happen for those wanting to see this film because the biggest cinema going audience in the West is seeing it TWO MONTHS before most other territories.

With DVD windows becoming shorter and shorter, piracy growing wider and in better quality, is this the answer for a film that Paramount could really do with being a worldwide success?

Christ, I’m not even invested in this film further than “I’ll watch it”. This shit drives me crazy.

Don’t be stupid, you stupid idiots.


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